One Night
by YamiPaladinofChaos
Summary: Keiko’s fed up with Yusuke’s cases always interrupting their dates. So, she forces him to take the night off just once. After all, what could possibly happen in one night? Well how about evil plots, telemarketers and... Kurama in a dress?
1. Famous Last Words

Disclaimer- I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

Summary- Keiko's fed up with Yusuke's cases always interrupting their dates. So, she forces him to take the night off just once. In can't be that bad right? I mean, what could possibly happen in one night?

AN: A bit of OOCness and absurdity all around, but this was mostly for fun. Warning! Will be poking fun and various different people and things, as well as the breaking the fourth wall!

* * *

Yusuke Urameshi was not having a very fun day. Number one, he had just come back from a short, yet grueling chase involving several monkey demons, a nest, and piles of... well... crap.

Apparently they had stolen some important artifact or something, but Yusuke couldn't dwell on that, and didn't pay much attention when he grabbed it seeing as how he had bigger problems. Reason number two or his 'bigger problem' for his crappy day was in front of him.

It wasn't the fact that he hated the girl in front of him, just the opposite. He was head over heels in love with her. Now if only she'd just stop yelling at him!

"Keiko, I said I was sorry! Come on, what did you want from me! I have a job to do!" Yusuke protested.

"Yusuke, just once, would you stop running after adventure and just stay with me on one full date!" Keiko Yukimura, Yusuke's girlfriend, pleaded, "Or do you not want to spend time with me?" Her voice turned dangerous and low, her light brown, almost red eyes narrowed.

Yusuke knew where this was going, and knew that he was walking a very fine line between being put in the doghouse and living to see another day. Finally, he decided to hell with it. "I do Keiko! Fine, how about this. Next week, I'll take you on a full date, the whole nine yards. No matter what comes up, I'll stay the entire time, I promise." Yusuke looked her right in the eye, to prove he was serious.

Keiko looked skeptic. "Promise?"

"Even if the very fires of Hell are raining down." Yusuke raised his arm solemnly and nodded.

He didn't factor in that he might be eating his own words soon.

Keiko smiled at him, that wonderful smile he loved so much. "Thank you Yusuke!" She squealed (which was entirely unlike her) and was about to hug him when she smelt the air. "But I'm not coming within five miles of you until you've had a shower!"

* * *

"Yusuke, you can't give up your duties next week!" Koenma protested, "I've got reports that some demons are-"

"Koenma, unless you want a very dead Spirit Detective next week, you will let me go." Yusuke shot back, "Besides, I'll ask Kuwabara to cover for me."

Silence.

"And Kurama." Yusuke added as an afterthought, shuddering at leaving the fate of the world in his... slightly unbalanced friend. The fox demon would be a much better substitute.

"Yusuke-" Koenma huffed, but the door burst open at that moment and Yusuke's secret weapon came in.

"Koenma, you'd better let Yusuke have that night off!" Botan the ferry girl said sharply, glaring at him.

The ruler of Spirit World withered under her glare, turning his outraged glare at Yusuke. The look was clear. 'You sneaky bastard.'

Yusuke smirked. Botan had a leash on Koenma for a while, and it had only tightened now that they were dating. The ferry girl was sure to understand, and was eager to help him.

"Very well Yusuke. But just one night." Koenma sighed.

"Oh come on, what could go wrong in one night?" Botan said cheerfully.

Famous last words.

* * *

Elsewhere in Living World, evil was afoot! Within a shadowy building, a demon plotted.

Or... below ground. Or... in a place that...

Hell, I don't know. I'm the freaking narrator! What do you want from me! Its not like I actually know where these people meet!

That's it! I quit!

* * *

(Five minutes later)

Okay, sorry about that folks. The old narrator was a bit on edge. Back to the story!

In a spooky, creepy place somewhere, an absurdly powerful demon that no one has ever even heard of plotted some random megalomaniacal plan that was probably doomed to failure from the start.

"Mwhahahaha!" The voice laughed insanely. "Soon I will crush every living soul into dust! My plan will work perfectly! Those fools at Spirit World will never be able to stop this plan! Soon they will all taste oblivion! Which tastes just like Red Bull! Which is disgusting!"

Another, more sane voice piqued up. "Sir, I'm afraid that we just don't have the resources to play Justin Timberlake CDs all across the globe."

"Damn!" The demon swore, and began pacing. "How about my plan to destroy the Internet?"

"Sir, you don't have any knowledge of how to even turn on a computer. With all do respect, of course."

"How about the one where I use some forgotten ancient and evil ritual to enhance my power?"

"We don't have any of the main ingredient."

"Damn! I knew I should have gotten some B batteries, but they're so hard to find!"

The second shape, if you could see him (which you can't!), raised an eyebrow. "But sir, I thought you found one at a gas station?"

"They're so darn expensive there!"

"Sir, you realize that we are demons. You could have stolen them."

"Who's the evil overlord here?"

The second demon sighed. "You, sir."

"Damn straight!"

The demons brainstormed over plans, but each one had a flaw in them. Finally, he resorted throwing his hands into the air in annoyance. "Fine, we'll just go with the standard steal some random super powerful artifact plan."

"Excellent choice sir."

"Have it done immediately. Now leave. I wish to continue gloating and muse about some old enemy of mine that will undoubtedly show up later and also to leave plot hints." The demon waved his hand.

"Very well sir," The second shape bowed and left.

The demon waited till the door hissed shut before beginning his evil musings. "Soon the-" He paused, calling back his subordinate. "What artifact are we stealing?" He asked belatedly.

The second shape sighed. "The Orb of Utter and Complete Doom that will go off anyway and the good guys will still be able stop it thanks to some random Deus Ex Machina."

"Very good then. Soon I will crush all life on this world!" The second shape coughed, and the demon turned. "Uh... except for you, Number Two. You're my assistant crusher." He said, somewhat sheepishly.

"Looking forward to that sir."

"Excellent. Oh, and remind me to call my mother. You know how she gets."

"Of course sir."

* * *

The next day, unaware of the evil that was afoot (standard modus operandi), Yusuke was currently giving his best friend and former punching bag the down low, as you kid's say.

Okay, I'll stop.

"Ha! Of course you can count on me! I can do a much better job than you! Cause I'm Kazuma Kuwabara!" The redhead boasted, making a dramatic pose.

"Don't hurt yourself there Kuwabara," Yusuke drawled, "And its only one night. And Kurama will be going along with you, to make sure you don't die. Or screw up."

"I can't believe you wouldn't trust me with this!" Kuwabara said angrily.

Yusuke rolled his eyes. "I wouldn't trust you to watch a goldfish after you what you did to my house." He snapped.

"If you're talking about that time it caught fire-"

"Under your watch this time, unlike my mother's."

"That was completely not my fault! How was I supposed to know that the stove would do that!"

"Its called common sense you idiot! If you leave a stove alone, chances are it's going to do that!"

Kuwabara glared at him. "Come on, you can trust me."

"Two words." Yusuke said slowly. "Hell. No. There's no way in Hell I'm trusting you with the entire world."

"Oh come on Urameshi! What are the chances of anything happening that one night anyway!"

Of course, there wouldn't be a story if nothing happened.

Okay, there could be, but that would be really boring.

* * *

AN: A few of the jokes here was courtesy of Red vs Blue, mostly the main villain's remarks. I don't own that, by the way. Thanks for reading and please review!


	2. Kurama in a dress?

Disclaimer- I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

AN: The utter and complete insanity continues. God save us all.

* * *

Kurama nearly swore. He was almost out the door to meet Kuwabara, under the guise that they would be patrolling for any dangers. In reality, the fox demon was being forced to baby sit the redhead. 

Still, it was better than what he was being forced to do.

"Mother! I am not going to do this!" Kurama, known as Shuiichi Minamino to most, and before that as the thief Youko Kurama or the legendary Spirit Fox, protested like a child.

Kurama's mother shook her head. "Shuiichi, please! Just this once!"

"Mother!" Kurama protested angrily. "I am not going to do this! I'm fifteen years old!" Well, Shuiichi was. Kurama definitely was not a teenager. Even if he was acting like one currently and playing the part of one in his daily life.

"You'll do as I say, Shuiichi Minamino." His mother said firmly, a stubborn and fierce resolve burning in her eyes.

"But... mother..." Kurama protested, but was rapidly realizing it was futile.

"No buts young man." The woman said firmly, grasping his arm and pulling him back into the house. Kurama had no choice but to give into his mother's whims.

"Besides," She added, "Who's going to see you modeling my dress?"

* * *

Elsewhere in the city, Kuwabara was clueless (wow, that's a surprise) as to Kurama's predicament, waiting impatiently for the fox demon in a deserted park. 

Why was it deserted? Why are you asking me? I'm the narrator, not the author.

Jeez.

Okay fine. It was deserted cause it was naptime.

What?

That's a perfectly legitimate answer.

I'm just going to get back to the story now.

"Man... where is Kurama?" The redhead muttered, cuffing his shoe on the pavement impatiently. "I'm bored!"

As if to alleviate his boredom, a sudden strong demon energy nearby alerted Kuwabara. "Come on out demon! I know you're there!"

Suddenly, he became aware of a blade pressed firmly against his throat.

"Oh crap."

* * *

Koenma was stressed out (that's new) due to a new crisis that had emerged (repeat previous quip). Apparently the 'Orb of Utter and Complete Doom that will go off anyway and the good guys will still be able stop it thanks to some random Deus Ex Machina' (the OUCD as some called it), had been stolen. 

"How did it get stolen! That was in one of our highest security vaults!" Koenma raged angrily at the unfortunate ogre.

Well, of course the bad guys had some mysterious method to do so. There wouldn't be a story if they failed.

"I don't know sir!" The ogre mumbled.

"Of course you don't!" Koenma glared at the ogre. "Get Botan to tell Yusuke that-"

"Sir, Yusuke's off tonight, remember?"

"Well put him back on!" Koenma seethed.

"Sir, if you do that and Botan might get mad!" The ogre reminded him.

This caused the Prince of Spirit World to pause. "Fine," He gritted out, "Tell her to alert Kurama."

* * *

By amazing coincidence (yeah right), Botan arrived at Kurama's house at the time when he was modeling his mother's dress for her. A very hot pink, very tight, spaghetti strap, skimpy dress. 

Needless to say, she fell of her broom laughing.

Before his mother could ask him what happened, he jumped off the stool and ran out, concerned for his friend and wanting to bring her in before she could tell anyone about this.

If Hiei found out, he would never let him live it down. If Yusuke found out, he'd never let it go.

Neither suggestion was one the fox demon found appealing.

He found Botan in the hedges laughing uncontrollably, and he shook is head.

"I assume you find this funny?" Kurama asked, calm as ever, his hands on his hips.

Of course, this only made the ferry girl roll around even faster and laugh harder.

Five minutes later, Kurama had pulled the ferry girl into his house.

"Shuiichi? Who is this nice girl?" His mother asked interestedly, eying her curiously.

Kurama wanted to ask what power hated him so much. First he had to wear a dress, then Botan saw it, and now his mother was scheming to set him and the girlfriend of the Prince of Spirit World up with him!

If he had asked, I could have told him that the author didn't hate him, he just liked suffering.

(Strangling sound, struggling noises, a loud scream, then silence)

This is the author speaking. I assure you that that was completely untrue. Those cats died of natural causes!

Ahem. Anyways, I'll be putting another narratortodo the previous one'sjob now. But no funny buisness!

I assure you sir, no more talking about you.

Back to the story.

Anyways, Kurama explained to his mother that this was a _friend_ who was already taken, much to her disappointment. Of course, she wasn't about to let that stop her. She implied so when she added with a wink, "Fight for what you love son."

Kurama wanted to scream out in frustration, but the calm mask he wore managed to keep his annoyance and frustration down to a minimum.

"Well, your mother certainly seems amusing," Botan grinned, raising an eyebrow.

"What is going on, Botan?" Kurama asked, ignoring the jibe.

"Someone has stolen the OUCD!" Botan whispered.

"Why are you whispering?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

Botan blushed. "Uh... I don't know."

"Wait. The OUCD? How? Even I could not steal it!" Kurama said, before he froze and his eyes widened. "Unless it was-"

"Who? Do you know who?" Botan asked, getting up and narrowing her eyes.

Of course he knows! That's a part of the plot!

Ahem.

Sorry. I forgot they can't hear me.

"Never mind. Let us go find Kuwabara. If the OUCD is stolen, I am also certain that Hiei will join us." Kurama rushed out, too flustered by whoever he realized was behind this to remember he was wearing a dress.

* * *

"Hiei! What the Hell!" Kuwabara swore, recognizing the demon energy. 

"I was looking for Yusuke." The fire demon said, sheathing his sword. "There is a new demon in town that I know Yusuke will be after."

"And you care because..." Kuwabara asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't. But some strange power has drawn me to fight alongside all of you. I don't know why, but I intend to make that power pay when it stops toying with me."

HAHAHA! You'll never get me Hiei! The power I wield is infinite!

Ahem. Sorry about that. I'll let the narrator get back to the story now.

Thank you sir.

Before the redhead or the fire demon could say any more, a sight unlike anything either had ever seen before burst out from the darkness, running at full speed.

Kurama.

In a dress.

A very... pink, tight, spaghetti strap dress.

Naturally, the two toppled over in laughter, rolling on the floor.

"Very funny you two." Kurama snapped, his patience (understandably) waning. "Come on, we have work to do."

"Kurama, what the hell happened to you?" Hiei asked, managing to regain his composure.

"I was helping my mother." Kurama gritted out.

"First you nearly get killed protecting her, and now you wear a dress?" Hiei asked sardonically. "Damn, you are a bigger fool than I thought."

Kuwabara just kept laughing.

Kurama mentally ticked off reasons why killing them all with the Rose Whip was a bad idea.

* * *

AN: Thanks for reading and please review! 


	3. Telemarketers Suck

Disclaimer- I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

AN: I can't believe this is still going.

* * *

Within the bowels of Evil's lair, the mastermind behind this insidious plot talked to himself.

What? Why?

All evil doers have an monologue, it's in their contract with the Devil.

"Who am I, you ask, to dare to try and plunge the world into destruction and chaos?" The mastermind asked rhetorically.

"I am one of the greatest thieves of all time. I shall soon become Death itself, my crusade will purge this world of humanity.

"From this seat of power in my evil lair, I shall rule a new world, with a new order of demons!"

A knock reverberated around the room, on the door to the seat of power.

"What the-What is it, Number Two?" The demon asked irritably.

"Sir, I need to use the 'seat of power', as you so eloquently put it." Number Two said politely, but with a hint of urgency in his voice.

"Damn it Number Two! Can't an evil overlord have an inner monologue in peace!"

"Sir, maybe you should do the monologue somewhere else less needed than the toilet."

"Maybe you should have gone before me."

"With all do respect sir, I will piss on your X-Box if you don't get out."

"What?!" The demon said incredulously. "Now that's just TOO evil. You just might make an evil overlord yet, Number Two."

"Thank you sir."

"Shut up Number Two. We're not having a moment."

"Sir, the bathroom?"

"Oh, all right. Well, Teletubbies is on soon, so I guess I should leave. I love those crazy kids." The demon got up, pulling his pants up, and left without washing his hands.

Truly, he was an evil overlord.

* * *

"Is the Orb ready?" The demon asked, once Number Two had left the bathroom.

The second demon known only so far as Number Two nodded. "It is sir."

"Excellent. Begin the absurdly long ritual that will only culminate when we are at the end of our ropes."

"Sir," Number Two began, "We may have a problem. Spirit World has called in its detective here on Earth."

"Curses! My old friend Kurama is with them too, is he not?" The demon asked.

His subordinate nodded. "Yes sir."

"Good. I think its time we called in the Soul Destroyer." The demon grinned. "He can take care of them nicely."

The second demon coughed. "Sir, that will be a problem. We don't have enough money to hire the Soul Destroyer, seeing as how we bribed _every_ guard at Spirit World to let us through with the Orb."

"Blast! Very well then, call in the cheapest assassin you can find!"

"Perhaps we should try a less bloody method this time sir."

"I agree. But replace the word less with the words extremely super and completely and utterly!"

Number Two shook his head. _I dropped out of demon High School for this? Why do I do this? _

He realized why a second later. _Because it pays well. I knew my greed would get the better of me one day. _

"Understood sir." The second demon bowed, and left to do as bidden, as well as to allow his master the customary insane gloating and laughing.

"I will shall tear out their organs and devour their hearts and crap out their souls! All will perish! They will face a destruction, for which there is no preparation! MWHAHAHAHA!!!"

RINGRINGRING!

"What the devil?" The demon muttered, grabbing the phone. "Who dares to interrupt my evil laugh!"

Low mumbles were heard on the telephone.

"No, I don't want to take a vacation to Disneyland! I just had one two months ago!"

More urgent mumbles.

"Of course I'm sure!" He slammed the pone down irritably. "Note to self. Destroy all telemarketers first."

* * *

Meanwhile, Number Two was going over to the phone, having found an ad that seemed to fit the bill.

Where? In the demon newspaper of course.

Jeez. Just because most of them are evil and bent on killing us all doesn't mean they don't have a newspaper.

Anyhow, back to the story.

The second demon waited patiently as the rings went off. However, all he got was an answering machine.

"What's up? I seem to be vacant in mi casa, so just leave a message at the tone and do your thing!"

"Hello? I'd like to hire you-" The second demon began, but a sudden beep.

"Oh, sorry about that." A young, slightly careless sounding male voice answered, "I thought you were telemarketers."

"You were screening us?" Number Two said incredulously.

"Well, you didn't show up on caller ID..."

"Sir, you do very bad things for very bad people. I'm fairly sure that most of them would like to remain anonymous."

"Hey, I'm not going to pick up for just anyone."

"Okay, fine." The second demon said begrudgingly, "Now, your ad says that you'll kill anyone for twenty dollars, and that you have a degree from the Assassin Academy in Brazil."

"That's right." He quipped.

"I didn't know they had an Academy in Brazil."

"Well, they do train assassins."

"Good point. Very well then, here is your task. You are to report to this location, where we will give you instructions on your targets."

"Adios dude!"

* * *

Thanks to Spede for reviewing!

AN: The seat of power scene is from Exterminaus Now, which I don't own, and am merely borrowing. Thanks for reading and please review!


	4. Kuwabara's Plan

Disclaimer- I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

* * *

"Would you two knock it off already!" Kurama snapped, losing his calm facade. (Hey, so would you if you were wearing a pink dress in public and two friends were laughing at you).

"Dress-pink-" Kuwabara wheezed, but Kurama's glare and the sudden rose that he withdrew from his hair caused him to stop.

"The Orb of Complete and Utter Doom has been stolen." Kurama stated, once Hiei and Kuwabara calmed.

Hiei tensed, but Kuwabara did nothing (Gee, that's new).

"We need to come up with a plan to lure out the thieves." Kurama said. "So lets get to work." Kuwabara started to look eager, but Kurama corrected himself. "And by we, I meant me and Hiei."

"Oh come on! I can think of a plan!" Kuwabara protested.

"Yeah, a plan that would get us all killed." Hiei snorted.

"You want a piece of me twerp!" The redhead turned and swung at the fire demon, who simply faded out and reappeared behind Kuwabara and pushed him slightly, causing the redhead to topple over.

Kurama groaned in defeat. "We're all going to die."

* * *

Elsewhere in town, Yusuke and Keiko were on their date, having an excellent time. As Yusuke settled in his seat at the movie theaters, he briefly wondered why he felt a sudden sense of apprehension.

Perhaps it was the thought of leaving his friends alone to battle the forces of darkness, to leave the battlefield, even for one night.

Perhaps it was the thought of something terrible happening while he was on a date.

Perhaps it was the instincts of a warrior, developed after constant battle, like all seasoned warriors.

Or perhaps it was the fact that he was about to watch the movie Alexander, which he heard was the worst movie ever. Who knew these things?

* * *

In an airport somewhere in Asia, the hired assassin faced his most difficult foe yet.

Airplane food.

It wasn't like the assassin wasn't hungry, he was desperately hungry, having not eaten because he believed at first the plane would leave at 4:00, and therefore did not eat, thinking he would eat on the plane.

Big mistake.

Sure they said it would leave at 4:00, but then just because the pilot's child got sick he left, and it took them another hour to find a replacement. And then another hour in taxi. What kind of an excuse was that, the assassin wondered.

So, the assassin waited, his patience growing thin, his hunger growing, and right when he decided to get food, the plane began boarding.

And now, instead of food, those accursed stewardesses serve him... this... confection. Tenderly, the hired assassin poked the substance with his fork, and could have sworn it snarled at him.

The assassin pushed the food away in fright, and tried to fight his hunger by gnawing on the leather seat.

* * *

In his secret lair, the demon overlord sat on his couch, watching his tape of Blues Clues. He just loved that little blue dog, and trying to figure out the puzzles was so much fun!

Suddenly, the phone began ringing. Startled, the demon overlord ran over and answered, thinking it was the hired assassin calling. What he got instead was another telemarketer.

"What... no! Yes, I am quite happy with my-No, I don't want to-Look, I don't want to any cream, my-No, it doesn't itch!" The demon growled in exasperation. "I do not have-I will kill you and rip out your organs and feast on your bones if you say that I need cream for my-"

The phone mumbled on insistently.

"YES! FOR GOD'S SAKE! I DON'T HAVE ANY UNNATURAL PROBLEMS WITH MY RECTUM!" The demon slammed the phone down, and after a quick decision, stormed off to Best Buy to buy Caller ID.

"Number Two! I'm going out to get something for Caller ID! Do we need anything else?" The demon overlord called out.

"We're out of milk and cookies again! Oh, and skin care cream!" Number Two responded. "You know how your skin gets..."

The demon overlord scowled. "Do not speak of the incident. My skin still burns with anger."

"It also cracks with dryness."

"Shut up Number Two."

Making sure he had enough money, the demon overlord ran out into his SUV to buy much needed supplies for the continuation of evil purposes... as well as milk and cookies.

* * *

Kurama parted the fire demon and the human, and figured out a course of action. "Kuwabara, fine, you can brainstorm for a plan." Kurama said, smiling slightly, but it was forced.

Kuwabara perked up and stood up, looking grateful. "Thanks Kurama!"

_Why are you letting the idiot help us? _Hiei asked mentally, annoyed.

_Because otherwise he will annoy you more,_ Kurama replied, and Hiei shivered, and said nothing more.

_Besides, _Kurama added, _He might surprise us. _

For half an hour, Kuwabara paced, drew little diagrams in the dirt that confused even Kurama, made small models with sticks, and even meditated for a few minutes. Finally, he stood up, a look of enlightenment in his eyes.

"I have a plan!" Kuwabara said proudly.

"What is it, Kuwabara?" Kurama asked, before Hiei could deliver a cutting retort.

"You come up with a plan!" Kuwabara stated firmly, nodding.

Hiei snorted in laughter, and Kurama stared on dumbfounded, and slapped his forehead in consternation.

_Yes, _Kurama told himself, _We are definitely all going to die. _

* * *

Thanks to SilverRainbow223, escptheshdw835, and kitsune grl for reviewing!

Q&A

SilverRainbow223- I'll see if I can work more Yusuke/Keiko stuff in.

kitsune grl- Because he forgot. (I know Kurama doesn't usually forget things, but this really isn't meant to make a lot of sense.)

AN: Thanks for reading and please review!


	5. Accidents Happen

Disclaimer- I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

* * *

At the evil lair, the assassin arrived. "Knock, knock dudes! Is anyone here?" He called out into the intercom at the entrance.

Number Two hurried over to the door, and opened it. And then blinked. Twice. "You're the assassin?" He guessed, but was hesitant. This is what he hired?

"Of course!" The assassin responded cheerfully. "Where's the target!"

Number Two was hesitant. Was this really what he paid for? _Then again_, he remembered, _I did pay twenty bucks for this guy_. _Stupid overlord and his constant spending on non-evil related things! _Still, there was one thing he needed to know. "How will you be taking care of them? Poison? A knife in the shadows?" He asked curiously.

"Nope!" The assassin responded in that same cheerful voice. Opening his bag, he pulled out a very large object. "With this!"

Number Two stepped back in shock. "How in the name of the nine rings of Hell did you get that thing through airport security!"

The assassin grinned. "Its funny what a little blackmail can help you accomplish, isn't it? Now, about my targets..."

* * *

At Best Buy, the demon overlord stood in front of the phone accessories area, looking for the right Caller ID to go good with his evil decorum (he looks human). Frustrated, he called over one of the employees.

"What can I do for you sir!" The young woman asked in the most cheerful voice ever made.

The demon twitched at her voice, but asked, "Which of these Caller ID's looks the most evil to you?"

"Well sir, this one here has-" And the woman began describing all sorts of features, but the demon didn't care about that. He just wanted to know if it was evil!

Taking a black colored one, he lifted it up and turned it around. "Black is an evil color, right?" The demon asked.

Instead of answering the question, the woman began describing all the features of this item.

The demon's hand twitched, and he resisted the urge to kill the young woman. _Customer service is like chewing glass... only less fun, _the demon thought to himself.

* * *

For half an hour, Kurama paced and bounced ideas of off Hiei, trying to come up with a plan of action.

But suddenly, the ground in front of Kurama exploded.

"Sweet flying Jesus!" Kuwabara yelled, leaping aside.

Kurama coughed, and glanced down at his pink dress (yes folks, it is still there), and his eyes widened in fear, and then anger. "You burnt my mother's dress! Who did that!"

"Whoops! Sorry dude! Your dress just freaked me out, so I missed!" A voice rang out, jovial and sounding like someone who spent too much time surfing. A young man with brown hair and blue eyes in a vibrant red green Hawaiian shirt and loose slacks jumped down from the tree with a very large rocket launcher.

Quite a strange picture, really.

"Who the hell are you?" Hiei growled, and pulled out his sword. (Where does he keep that thing?)

The man grinned. "Name's Duo Maxwell. I'm an assassin. Nothing personal and all, but I'm going to have to kill you."

Hiei raised an eyebrow and his other eye twitched. "Someone thought a mere human could kill me? That's it! Prepare to die!" Hiei charged, but Duo jumped aside just in time to avoid getting gutted like a fish, dropping his rocket launcher. The brown haired man began running away as Hiei constantly swung at him, narrowly missing each time.

"Hiei needs help! I know what to do!" Kuwabara said, and grabbed the rocket launcher. "I always wanted to try one of these things!" The redhead laughed.

"Dear God no!" Kurama yelled, trying to get the rocket launcher away from Kuwabara, but before he could do anything, the redhead fired the rocket.

Duo turned and saw the rocket flying towards himself and Hiei. "Oh crap!" The brown haired assassin yelled, and leapt forward in vain, but Hiei followed him doggedly, leaping after him, not noticing the rocket behind him.

Big mistake.

"Hiei! Look out!" Kurama cried out, and the fire demon turned and saw a streak of smoke and fire flying towards him.

"Son of a-" Was all Hiei managed.

WHAM!

"Oh my God, you killed Hiei! You bastard!" Kurama yelled angrily, kneeling next to the Fire demon, who was burnt badly from the rocket explosion. Oh yeah, and the assassin was also hit, but he was just completely dead and burnt and all sorts of nasty things. Not the kind of thing this story with its rating can describe.

"Kuwabara..." Hiei whispered weakly.

The redhead had tears in his eyes as he came closer to the dying Fire demon. "I'm so sorry!" Kuwabara whispered. "What do you need buddy?"

"Stay the hell away from my sister." He grunted, and then died.

* * *

Thanks to escptheshdw835, omasuoniwabanshi, aymera, Aradia Anstice, long gone, Yuro-Kage, Hiyuri Jaganshi, LilytheKitsune, SilverRainbow223, and Hiei-Rulez for reviewing!

Q&A

Yuro-Kage- I bought them surplus.

Hiei-Rulez- I'm glad you liked it. Someone actually printed this out? I'm flattered!

AN: Thanks for reading and please don't hurt me! Reviews would be nice though!


	6. Hiei's Problem

Disclaimer- I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

AN: Argh... sorry, I was really stuck on where to go from here. Really, really sorry. The updates are going to be sporadic, seeing as how I'm kind of ambling about as I go.

* * *

"I can't believe he's... gone." Kurama whispered softly, in disbelief.

"I can't believe Hiei has a sister! Why did he ask me to stay away from her? Who is it? Do you know Kurama?" Kuwabara asked curiously, looking at the redhead intently, who looked uncomfortable under his gaze.

"This might be a bit of a shock... but..." Kurama braced himself for the inevitable and closed his eyes, "Yukina is Hiei's sister."

Silence. Hesitantly, Kurama opened one eye, and saw that Kuwabara was just staring at him, dumbfounded. Finally, after a long silence, Kurama decided to go and find someplace to bury Hiei's body or get some ice cream when Kuwabara started laughing.

"What, may I ask, is so funny?" Kurama asked impatiently.

"Now really Kurama, how dumb do you think I am? Yukina can't possibly be Hiei's sister." Kuwabara said, wiping away his tears of laughter, "Now really, who is it?"

"It's Yukina, you idiot."

Both Kurama and Kuwabara leapt into the air, startled by the voice. "What the-who said that?" Kuwabara yelled, using his enhanced senses to seek out the presence.

"I did, you idiot. Behind you."

Both redheads turned, and their eyes widened and their jaws dropped at who was talking.

* * *

Meanwhile, at Best Buy, the evil overlord was currently considering either killing himself or (more likely) the customer service attendant who was "helping" him.

The woman continued to prattle on about various things that were not evil related, until finally, the demon screamed in utter fury. "I CAN'T TAKE IT ANY MORE! THIS IS TRUE TORTURE!"

And so, the evil overlord ran from Best Buy, screaming like a little girl, arms flailing about in sheer terror.

* * *

Kurama blinked.

And then blinked again.

It couldn't be-

Dear God.

It was.

"Hiei!"

Kuwabara blinked. "That's not Hiei!" He protested, and turned towards the corpse behind them. "That's Hiei!" He pointed out.

"That's my body, idiot." Hiei drawled slowly.

"Then how come you're all white and stuff?"

"BECAUSE I'M A FREAKIN GHOST!" Hiei screamed furiously, "AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!"

"It is so not my fault!"

"YOU SHOT ME!"

"Accidents happen..." Kuwabara muttered, kicking the ground like a petulant child.

"AN ACCIDENT! YOU KILLED ME!"

"Whatever shrimp." The redhead scoffed.

Narrowing his eyes, Hiei lunged for Kuwabara, who shrieked in fright, until the fire demon passed straight through him.

Kuwabara laughed in amusement. "HA! Can't touch me now shrimp!" He heckled, sticking out his tounge childishly.

Hiei just roared in anger and tried lunging again.

Kurama sighed, and walked towards the nearest tree, and began slamming his head into it repeatedly, hoping this was all some crazy hallucination caused by eating Yusuke's cooking.

* * *

Thanks to escptheshdw835, Time and Fate, omasuoniwabanshi, and Hiei-Rulez for reviewing!

AN: Thanks for reading and please review!


	7. EVIL Doings

Disclaimer- Still don't own Yu Yu Hakusho.

AN: Well, I'm back from the depths of non-existence for another round of insanity!

* * *

"So... what now?" Kuwabara asked quietly. 

Kurama groaned, and sat down rubbing his head. Slamming your head against a tree is very, very painful, even for demons. And the headache had only worsened with each passing problem.

First of all, someone had stolen a very powerful object.

Secondly, Hiei was dead, thanks to Kuwabara.

Thirdly, he was still wearing this God damned dress!

"Is that ridiculous outfit impeding your thinking, fox?" Hiei asked snidely.

"Shut. up." Kurama snapped irritably.

"Yeah Casper." Kuwabara added snidely.

Hiei's eyebrow raised itself and his eye twitched. "If I had hands, you'd be dead." He stated flatly.

"Just keep thinking that, ghost boy." The redhead replied.

Before the two could continue trying to drive Kurama insane, the fox demon stepped between them. "We need to go find a way to find the Orb of Complete and Utter Doom." A sudden thought crossed his mind. "We could go see the Oracle of Deus Ex Machina."

"The Oracle?" Hiei snorted incredulously. "Fool! You know that no one goes there and does not suffer terrible price!"

"We must!" Kurama countered.

"Besides, its not like you could help anyway." Kuwabara added.

"I hate you." The fire demon muttered.

* * *

Deep in the bowels of their evil lair (made by Evil Co.), Number Two and the evil overlord plotted... evilly! 

(Cue EVIL thunder)

"The heroes are heading to the Oracle of Deus Ex Machina." Number Two reported.

"Curses!" The dark lord swore, "We must stop them!"

"Sir, there are many trials a warrior must endure to talk to the Oracle." Number Two reminded him.

"Its not enough! I must send my greatest warrior to combat them!" The demon overlord roared.

"Not-" Number Two gasped.

"YES!" His superior cried out triumphantly. "Come forth my great warrior..." (Pause for dramatic effect) "MARY SUE!"

A shadow stands in front of a now open doorway, but pauses as if waiting for something. Number Two and the demon overlord glance about in confusion.

"Um... what in the name of unspeakable horror happened to my EVIL thunder?"

(One moment. We are experiencing EVIL technical difficulties. Please pause.)

(Somewhat pleasant music plays)

(Loud, screeching stop to music)

(We now return you to your regularly scheduled insanity.)

"Ahem." The demon coughed. "MARY SUE!"

(EVIL Thunder.)

Standing at the doorway was a beautiful American girl about sixteen or so. She had long blond hair and crystal blue eyes, and was a mix of every kind of demon imaginable and had more power than a nuclear missile. Graceful, tall, elegant, and with a customizable tragic past or clueless transfer student background, she was the ultimate in bad writing.

She was Mary Sue, and she was EVIL.

Far away, deep in some random mountain forest, psychic master Genkai opened her eyes from her sleeping position on the couch where some random anime was blaring out of the television.

"There is a disturbance in the Force." The old woman muttered. "Or perhaps it was that burrito I had for dinner."

"SEE! I TOLD YOU THIS WAS A BAD IDEA!" Hiei yelled, standing (or rather, floating) behind his two running comrades.

"Right, like we were supposed to know there were giant, indestructible rolling boulders around here!" Kuwabara shot back.

"Quiet, both of you, and keep running!" Kurama interrupted. Grabbing the rose from his hair, he turned it into a whip and lashed it out onto an extending stalactite... which promptly cut it off.

"You know that never works," Hiei commented.

"We're dead!" Kuwabara nearly screamed.

"Probably." The fire demon replied.

"Oh shut up! You're already dead! What do you have to worry about! You're already dead!" The redhead screamed back.

"And I'll have so much fun watching you join me." Hiei grinned viciously.

"You sick sonofa-" Kuwabara's statement was cut off as the rumble of the boulder worsened. "Oh shi-" That was all he could say before the boulder ran them over.

Somewhere in a deep laboratory in Area 51 1/2, a single generator hummed endlessly. This machine was the source of so much Deus Ex Machina, so many improbable causalities that it single-handedly saved the universe from utter destruction many times.

The machine known as the Improbability Drive.

Today, it hummed once more, and granted its power to our three heroes.

"Holy crap! Its rubber!" Kuwabara nearly screamed... again.

"We know." Hiei drawled, annoyed.

"Well, that's one problem out of the way." Kurama muttered, brushing himself off. "Let's keep going."

* * *

Deep in his evil lair, the demon overlord plotted... evilly! 

(Pause.)

A Public Announcement from the Author.

I sincerely apologize for the constant use of the word evil.

We now return you to One Night.

(World resumes)

And Number Two attempted to bring sanity to this madness. "Sir, are you sure releasing the Mary Sue was a good idea?"

The demon nodded. "Of course it is! With my ultimate warrior in place, no one can stop me!" And then he began his maniacal laughter.

Number Two considered joining in, but remembered that his boss hated being interrupted or joined when laughing.

After a minute or so of laughter, it finally subsided.

"Oh, and sir," Number Two added, remembering a few missed calls while the overlord was at Best Buy, "Voldemort called. He needs to reschedule the lunch meeting. Something about killing the Boy-Who-Lived."

The demon overlord sighed. "I hope he doesn't get beaten again by that old guy and the kid. He always rants about it like a spoiled brat... maniacal lunatic." He muttered.

"And the Evil Union called. They have a meeting next Tuesday. Its to discuss what's to be done about the recent falling of the villain image and cutting back pay."

His superior swore. "Damn it! Stupid bureaucrats and their damn rules and regulations. We already conceded our damn dental plans." The overlord sighed. "Damn its hard being evil these days."

* * *

High in the celestial bodies above (also known commonly as space), a space station orbits the world of Yu Yu Hakusho. An unseen and yet omnipresent threat that waits to strike at all good fandoms. 

Slowly, a well built figure strides over to a voluptuous figure who looks at the planet.

"Sir, our deployment pods are almost operational." He reported.

The woman nodded. "Prepare the troops. We shall take this fandom and destroy it." Her amber eyes glitter for a moment in the darkness.

"For we are the Self Insertion Army!"

* * *

Thanks to TypoNumber5, escptheshdw385, Time and Fate, and Hiei-Rulez for reviewing! 

Q&A

TypoNumber5- I'm glad you like this so much. Number Two and Evil Overlord are just fun, aren't they? I love the dialogue between the two.

AN: For those who don't know, Deus Ex Machina refers to an improbable plot device that occurs at exactly the right time in exactly the right place. Case in point- Yusuke suddenly regaining all his strength at some desperate point in a fight. Or any episode of Yu-Gi-Oh. (Hey, I like that show, but you have to admit its true.)


End file.
